HeY itS kAt

5:07pm: Times passed
I sit here and ponder. how four years of college has past so fast. just like wind:). I kant believe that I am graduating, almost out of pullman for good:) yeay. Me and joana had a good talk for the past couple of days about life. and how much we had grown as individuals. Independent. strong. independent. So many things within the the month of April. so many things going on. Me and Jo organized a candlelight vigil for the Virginia Tech victims on Thursday. massive numbers of folks around 60-100 came through. We made posters that students signed. We are planning to mail them to Virginia Tech on Monday. On the 22nd of May, I am flying out to Washington DC for my internship. The first offer was as a court/domestic violence advocate at the Supreme Court and the other opportunity was as a college recruiter/counselor for high school students. Organizations such as RAINN, SAFE, Healthy Teen Network has contacted me. Now it is difficult to decide which one to pursue. So much has changed within these past months. good and bad:) trying to make the best out of the next two weeks and then. we are gunna attain the alumni status:)Go Cougs lol:)kat

3:15pm: Overwhelming
Its good being back home. to spend time with the family. aunts. uncles. cousins. didn't realize that our family is huge in numbers and that we have a pretty strong core of women in our family. cousins havin babies. blah blah. for the past 3 days. we've spent the night and grannies catching up on old times and reminiscing about family memoriesl rejuvenating. good. overall. its been highly stressful. and very very very overwhelming. its been good and bad. however. my bodies been wanting a good nap for awhile. these past days have been sleepless.
-wkend revamp-just venting

2:19pm: Auntie
Only 37 years old. successful. beautiful. intelligent. outspoken.
human resource manager for amazon.com. she just recently came here from boston.
thinking of starting a new life. She modeled for FORD modeling agency for 15 years.
went to college. got her masters. she took risks. and captured and lived life with the psalm of her hands. please keep our family in your prayers as we are struggling through a deep and terrible lost. unbelievable. RIP Auntie

4:20am: RIP Auntie Maryjane (entry before this..News article)

12:16am: RIP Auntie Maryjane
Two Drown In Lake Washington

July 26, 2006

By KOMO Staff & News Services


Video : KOMO 4 NEWS
Divers found the bodies of a man and woman Wednesday night in Lake Washington, hours after the two jumped off a boat and never surfaced.

Two Drown In Lake Washington



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BELLEVUE - A woman who went for a swim in Lake Washington to cool off and a man who tried to save her when she began struggling in the choppy water drowned together late Wednesday, fire officials said.

The bodies of the 37-year-old Mary Jane Delpin and 34-year-old Spencer Frenette, neither of whom had been wearing a life jacket, were recovered about four and a half hours after they slipped beneath the surface about 150 feet off Yarrow Point in the suburbs east of Seattle, Bellevue Fire Lt. Bruce Kroon said.

According to a statement issued by Kroon, Delphin and Frenette, both from Seattle, and an 18-year-old cousin of the Frenette were in a ski boat heading to meet a friend for help with some boat repairs when they decided to go for a swim, all without life jackets.

Seeing the boat drift away, Delphin became distressed and struggled to stay afloat, so Frenette went to help her while the younger man swam to the boat, brought it back to the others and tried to throw life jackets to them, Kroon wrote. Wind blew the life jackets away from them and the two slipped below the surface of the choppy water.

"They both went down pretty quickly," Kroon said. "It's pretty choppy out here."

The cousin began yelling for help after the two did not surface right away, and someone on shore called 911.

Police and fire department boats and a sheriff helicopter converged on the area and searched for several hours. Divers from several agencies combed the bottom of the lake near where the two were last seen and located the bodies just before 11 p.m.

11:49pm: forgetful
school=work=papers=lose things=forgetful=burnt out= needs Seattle
will be in town from friday to sunday
cannot wait. California relatives will be n town.
can't wait for me and Amber's 5 hour update in the car
miss that girl! she lent me Captivating (book)
I suggest this self care book for sistas out there:) its good!
Doing research and finishing my paper on the political, sexual and artistic revolutionary
Frida Kahlo.
i've never drank soo much coffee ever in my life
doing cardio in the morning feels sooo good
new routine
i miss the fasa homies
not enough of us here over the summer
i need some kind of rejuvenation
bananas that are black and beat up look gross.
but "it's still good to eat" according to friends lol
natural is always good. simple. natural. simply beautiful
one of women's worst fears is abandonment.
whether its from a guy. or friends.
something i've learned today
u can be ur best friend
u can enjoy your own company
we need em days
for yourself
balance is always good
its 11:58 p.m
computer lab will be closed in two minutes
i'm out. good night:)

10:25pm: Iraq
I sit and ponder. 10:25 p.m.
mind dead. 11 pages to write by next monday
then Statistics 321 class starts monday.
last minute krammin. it sucks when you lose car keys.
booo
need to replace.
sistas goin through relapses tryin to deal with her bf
will be packin bags to fight in Iraq in Sept.
so much to handle
ongoing support
need some midnight meditation. stretching
1 liter of water everydays good for the soul
an apple sounds good right now:)
good nyte!

9:22pm: 2 3 4

It's been two months since
languag between us
unexisted
Unwilling to speak to me as
My energy became invested in dialing
ur number and my voice became tired
of wasting its breath
any my fingers
calloused
tired of remembering the digits
off the tip of my tounge and fingertips

its been three weeks
that flowers and sun
from may
till june
blossoms
symbolizing
life to new
a new beginning
and my eyes
became blurred
as the solar sun
darts brightness and knowledge
from my lenses to my brain
and taking life as it is
as its supposed to be like every second
every minute taking it as it IS

its been 4 hours
that i became tired of reading
text messages
from 3 months worth
of adolescent talk. games
skipping forward
deleting
replying with.
u take kare
no more time and words to speak
as I learn to stand
with my two feet
connected
tied together like shoelaces
and no more word to be read or said

cos i've put it on mute. not repeat.
as silence becomes the resolution between us.

3:13am: Reuniting with LJ
It's been awhile since i posted.
It's funny how life and its priorities can
leave ya feeling drained. yet productive. While...growth and learning process intertwines.
Spendin the past couple of months. reorganizing my thoughts.
Learning who I am. Discovering and unraveling these webs. finding treasures
Skills. Attributes. Talents. And Gifts. that was hidden for a bit.
It's been months.
That I realized that my fingers can strum strings on my ebay 1 cent 35 dollar shipping fee guitar
while my brain can read notes and my voice can sing along reaching. and hitting different notes. ranges.
And that I have the potential to be a musician.
To teach myself how to play.

It's been months.
that knowledge gave birth to the idea
that relationships can be unstable when the other half's immature.
can hold you back.
These are the years when joy. happiness. and fun all come in hand.
while independence and self journey's are good for the heart and soul.
and tears and adolescent heartbreaks can still wound a 15 and 35 year old.
Self Care. Self Love. Time to "date" yourself can be a blessing in disguise.

It's been months
that so much has been consumed in my system
Gabriela planning. Last semester stressing.
Current summer student. Taking two courses: Masculinity studies and Women & Pop Culture
Been challenging to learn and think outside the box
It's okay to unravel the pride and admit that our knowledge isn't fully equipped and we are
not made up geniuses. Kollective discussion in coffee shops. classrooms. gym rec center. wherever
are spaces to learn. and express "who you are".

It's been months
that I've just met a cool friend in Class. Myxie. Spits Cambodian language off the tip of her tongue
Half Viet and Chinese.
Product of Vietnam
Family stories inspire. me

It's been months. that I broke bread and had tea with Elle. story of friend in NEWYORK. 21 yrs of age. transgender
hitchhiked to new york from Utah. raped. beaten. assaulted. raped. scrapping crumbs off
garbages. becoming a slave in prostitution as he hustles to survive. "NO MONETARY" code he has
as openings used to service in exchange for food.shelter.clothing. survivor. now a model. landing on the grounds of NYC

It's been within these months
that research has been useful.one more year to go. grandma's dreams comes true. wl be able to graduate on time.
with the double major and minor.
already planning for grad school. in the field of journalism. busy busy busy

its been within these past couple of weeks
that i've been working out
staying healthy
taking care of my physical
meshes well with the mental self care stuff

Itse been months! that I've been unraveling. and painting journeys on my life's canvas. its been good:)

3:40am: my old piece i found on word
Brown skin stretched like crisped autumn leaves

flying on fournished wood

green leaves float off the roots

Growing out of its freshly painted

Chauve vase.

Stitching earth and its colors into one.

materials. Simple in its inventions

breathing life to shelter. Clothes made.

“Bahay kubos” glued together.

Old dirt slips below the tips

of her toenails and malnourished fingers.

Bending spines and bones. Young and old. Squeezing

The scent of their labor that soaks inside

a basen filled with the white perla soap

and water blended together. cleansing the oil of her childrens skin that;s

stained through their

size 7 and 10 shirts and bottoms

Punctured with wide holes stretched. Revealing the flesh of their hearts.
Mother
using her labor

her toil to sew back together their hearts. Giving the support that her parents ingrained in the stems of her veins.
So she
clothes. And sings
covers. Feeds
cleans
lectures

teach.
creates shelter..

Heals and sing songs of love and internal contentment.


Sewing together the story of her life.

Halfway finished molding her second half.

Fabric they sit on is like that of silk chocolate soy milk

dry Hair long and short overheated by the press

of the sun and its fire burning past every splitend.

Their mother.
Creating music until the stars are colored by black markers

and light is only seen past the eye balls of the young and old.

Father. Holy ghost inside.

Flesh of her fingers peeling layers as she strums

the strings on her guitar. Words. Flying like shooting

stars painting pictures of hope and heaven in their map of life

“Our father who art in heaven. Hallow be thy name.”

Letting go of the last minute. The last air coming out of her cancerous lungss.

“For thine is the kingdom, power , and glory are yours now and forever more.”
In jesus name. Amen

“Manga anak. Manga kapatid. Raise your head up .

Lift your fists up high.”

For your day will come.

Manga anak manga kapatid.....

never lifts her pen. Making music until the world ends.

So she strums and she sings.
Strumming and singing until their skin is exposed
heat.

7:32pm: :)
WSU fasa alumns...when yall coming bak:)? maybe we can all plan something together for spring semester..it would be dope to reunite. share the old and new stories. it'll benefit us all. sige sige sige. fasa

7:27pm: October: Filipino history month
been hella long since i posted an update. latelee...everythings been roling smoothly.
single and love taking this time to re-find and take kare of myself. its been a good breather. :)
love seeing the homies again. love the organizing. schools been treating me well
lotta self reflection. so...it was an awesome weekend. me and these other 2
strong sisters in Pullman are organizing a GABRIELA chapter on our campus

much love to the kasamas chera and donna from gabnet seattle and doreata from gabnet NY
for coming down. Also. kat d...fasa alum who rolled through. the workshops were dope
the building was awesome. it was a very gifted weekend.

saturday night. at daily grind. us building from 8 to 11 at night. nyce. nyce.

this is a small update:) feels fresh. feels good

10:48pm: magnetic poetry
remember
life always bring picture presents
caramel girl desires boy
he's breathing peace
his heart is changing rhythms
her voice dances as words circle in his head
blue, sacred, velvet concrete universe
morning poetry awake
man woman blush
born to open
listen
learn
explore

12:33am: yoyoyo
i recommend. AMITYVILLE HORROR...what a skaree skurree movie. GO SEE IT!!! better than the RING...that's just me:)

12:27am: its chilly:)
so i thought i update real quick. its so freakin chilly outside. hear we gots ourselves a new pope. wowers. interesting. noticed i have a tendency of buyin hella dasani water and not finishin it. next thing you know got three bottles that are half full. wierd. yet bad habit. after a long fasa election meeting, it felt rejuvenating. it'll be dope. gone miss those that are graduating. damn. college is gon by fast. new folks stepping up. new members. what a beautiful thing. a lot potential...a lot. decided ima take summer school here. maybe both sessions. unsure yet. gotta get spanish outta the way. im actually pretty pumped. so by the time next year rolls. just gotta tink about my wst and ces courses. onto other things

the strong women in my family. still. my lola needs me.76 and still going strong. my mother. strong and supportive. sister. young. fearless. she's going through stages. we need each other to keep on keep it on. fam..5 hrs away. they need me. i do what i can. sister gives me a ring ring. very random. she needs me. i can hear it in her voice. 13 year old beauty. she's smart i know it. although she doesn't see it. so much potential this young queen has. just got to guide and help her grow. have her spend time with me in pullmano over the summer. take the break. and relax. i love her very much. she knows it. do what i can. not gonna give up bein there for her and ronnie

so found out today. blue scholars gone be here for a workshop and performance on the 29th and 30th. thats dope. ma boyfriend is sprung off dere album. him and me were pretty pumped when we found out. folks here need to hear the lyrical knowledge. be enlightened. what a blessin...

me. lurline. evan. josh. albert gon run the WWII veteran workshop tomorrow. hope all goes well. my quote was on the EVERGREEN for FIL CULTURAL NIGHT. got some FILIPINO WWII VETERANS info in that article. goodgood.

welp. its 12:36. gotta hit the bed and w8k up @ 8. peace.love yall

11:34pm: my brain

Your Brain is 46.67% Female, 53.33% Male

Your brain is a healthy mix of male and female You are both sensitive and savvy Rational and reasonable, you tend to keep level headed But you also tend to wear your heart on your sleeve

8:53pm: ...i write stories...
My pen is a mic that speaks lines onto this paper
It’s gone deaf as it hears me loud and clearly
Verbs and words spoken on tablets
Are heard
Recognized
Heard
Recognized

So I…I write stories
The ink from my pen is
Dripping
Dripping
Dates on leaflet sheets
Like
1899-1902
Time of the Philippine-American war
I keep on
Rotating
Rotating
My half slit wrist as
Red streams of ancestral stories
Are
Pouring
Pouring
Out
Our
Fists are
Comforted by hardworking
Overiped hands
That toiled on stolen lands
Hawaiis sugar plantations from 1907 to 1931
Their labor often misused and glorified in US text

As our lola’s knees are bent
In prayer meditation formation
And our lolo’s
Are being led by the caribou
Who knows the right road to freedom

We are reviving
Hidden compilations of our history
Deeply connected
Collected
Falsified
Sometimes left unattended


I refuse to lift my pen
So I continue to create books about mangoes
Horticulture found in brown soil
Bamboo sticks. Bahay kubos and coconuts
That divide chapters on struggles. Truth. And sunrise
My eyes close when shadows haunt causing
Nightmares and sleepy hollows
Like that of the Bataan Death March in 1942
When our lolo’s fought alongside US soldiers
And carried a flag that wasn’t theirs
Dreams created to grant promises
Equity and benefits
59 years later
Never granted.
This Recission Act is alive. Kicking. Still denying

While 3 to 5 die each day
What else can I say
Can’t just sit and pray
Cos I see their time passin by as they watch their dreams slowly unwinding
Slowly fading…
To darkness

Along with silence
Silent
Silent
Silent
While colonizers are still teachin our countries so called leaders and elites
To learn
Sit and just
Listen
Listen
Listen
As they are trapped in puppetry

I resist
As I rock steady on this mic
Lifting the ends of my elbows
As if they are wings
And the choirs singing

While my ading overseas learns to write in alibata and abc’s
And the truth of what it takes to be free
How ignorance can be seen
They are thinking someone three times their age
As they see
Injustice traveling across
Geographical directions
Their organizing a kollective nation
As they stomp their feet in unity
While revolution is
Rotating
Rotating
In motions
In search for a better solution

With love as a foundation that’s
Dividing the ocean into two
And twisting the sun until its 8 rays
Are pierced inside out
And the sky is painting faces
Of the masses
Who protest

I step back
As I reset
My learning process
Conscious that we shouldn’t let
Our colonized history fade and slip as if it was an unstained mudslide

Our kollective tongues becomes a gun
Shooting pistols inside the belly of the beast
As it feasts on privilege

Our poisonous tongues
Will not remain speechless
It’s a weapon used to attack with a 1 2 step tempo
Used to reclaim. Revive. Re-educate our peoples through
His and her story books.

So I ...
I write stories
Of the past. Present. Future
The ink from my pen is
Dripping
Dripping
Journeys on leaflet sheets
I keep on
Rotating
Rotating
My half slit wrist as ancestral
Stories
Are
Pouring
Pouring
Out

11:14am: backward routes
His Hands are pressed folding together booklets of love
His Romantic poetry penetrates inside her soul.
Stomach. Butterflies swimming inside
They are dancing together underneath orange autumn leaves
Falling from spring trees
While the winds refuse to be silenced
It comes like a winter storm
A shadow
Mirror reflection
Replica of drama scenes and sexual inuendos
Little did she know
Its not what she expected
Or ever perfected
While shatters stream the floor
And rusty glass rises above
Everything pauses
Like that moment when love didn’t meet halfway
And her lips were dry and red as a result of pounding from one’s fist
And her soul and mind became unconscious
Tired
Restless
Hopeless
Tired
Restless
hopeless
She walks on paths where size 6 footsteps settled
Marked its presence
She follows as if she is walking towards heaven
Her survival
Walking until she reaches her arrival
Solid figure acquires a title
Bending her knees forming 90 degrees
And her hands are pressed. Arched forming it’s angle
While she’s praying her repetitive poetry piece
Over and over again
As her writing becomes her faith and savior
Voice. Shelter.
Never will she ever.
Walk backward routes.

10:24am: just typing
sitting here in the library. nutting much to do over this break than crackin on books and massive research. good times kickin it with the girls over break. getting shit done. i need a summer job or some kinda internship. grandma from the pi stayin with us for awhile. gramps left on tuesday back to manila. i just realized. i am not a fan of golf. paclebs videos in class got me thinkin. vented with fam over the week. saw cousin shontia for the first time in bout two years. that girl is getting there already the big 18. auntie coming back home from boston on saturday. not sure when ima leave back to pullman but yo. i actually miss it. i guess its coz im gettin use to bein independent and doin my own thing that when i came home...it was sorda different. way positive. mom's good kooking. and fam..yea the usual get togethers and brunches. good times good times.

The Pacifier is a really funny movie for those that haven't seen it. went with elanie her sis and ma sis on saturday. kicked it with some pullman girlfriends on sunday. fun times. my boyfriend and gop stopped by on tuesday.:). I wished the weather was better. as of yesterday and today. finished a book by dorothy allison called two or three things i know for sure. gotta get cracking on research. tomorrow...possibly hit up bremerton with julie and nina. welp. this is my update as of....right now. its been awhile. maybe this might help my writers block. peaceounce

8:09am: .....
a lil tired as always. intense reading. 2 papers. math. spring break. cant wait. not really a fan of the oscars booo

1:44pm: it's been awhile
ITS BEEN AWHILE since I wrote. called home. vented on livejournal. Ihad really good classes and learn what I choose to consume and take in. since I rollerbladed. been back to seattle. had a real job. played the piano. watched tv. cooked something. had a really good conversation with my little sister. ate a lollipop. gone to church. workout at the rec. drank 1 liter of dasani every day. had filipino food

these past couple of months have been really good. not much on lj. thought i take the time to vent and update. thankful for this semester. kinda helping me get back on my two feet. my relationship with my bf still goin on strong. 4 months tomorrow. growing process for me this semester. eyes feel like they are stretched wide as a result from finally seeing light after beein blinded by pointless info. Last semester didn't really shed counscious light to me despite the conversations and dialogues that I built with my homies here. it was kinda different because this semester, my classes have been awesome. reading this book for fil am called HOMEBOUND by Yen Le Espiritu. although her writing seems very scholarly, come of her concepts are pretty interesting. Still didn't finish part 3 and 4 in Bulosans though. This class is very intense. One part that really got to me was this documentary that we watched that was focused on the lives of the WWII veterans and the situation that they are facing (not given benefits). PAcleb assigned our Research Paper Proposal Outline and I think I am interested in doing my research on either hate crimes against Filipino's/ Filipino/a-Americans in the United States or violence against Filipina women. I seek to research more and more. If folks know any resources, videos, documentary's, books or any kind of resources that would help, please holla. One case in particular that I want to focus on is the murder of Susanna Blackwell. She was a mail order bride. She was pregnant at the time when she was shot and killed along with I believe two of her friends by her estranged husband outside the King county courthouse. I want to also research on the consequences and crimes that have occured in relationships that were built on by the mail-order bride industry. Other forms of violence like rape, incest, domestic violence etc. are also other forms of violence that I want to research on. This is my venting as of my CES class. My women's studies class has also enlightened me more about the issues that affect women in society. Body image is one in particular that we are currently learning.

As some of you might have known, there was a student protest at WSU this morning. as a community we came to gether to voice our concerns, take part in this movement. Solidarity is an essential part to build change. Change itself doesn't just change over time. It takes time, patience, organizing, ideas, strategies, dialogue to reach that change. It was very beautiful to see the students march along side each other to resist these petty acts of racism, sexism and heterosexism in society and within the institution. As a community, we need to stick together and build strong coalitions.

You can check out his website to check out the photos. thanks john!
http://public.fotki.com/supertran5/anti-racism_rally/

this is my result as of Feb 23

11:36am: random thoughts
another semester. still a learning process. balance an essential part to making life a little bit more easier. commitments on school/education. small groups of friends. self. bf.

taking a good load of classes this semester. my fil-am class is really awesome. a lot reading. but i know i do what i can. just finished reading this essay on the Philippine-American war. had no idea that african-amer soldiers and the filipinos came together in solidarity. helping one another out. after the war. a number of those soldiers chose to emigrate to live in the pi and intermarry filipina women. i can go in-depth about this article but I would rather vent in my journal.

womens studies course has opened my eyes in many levels. this is my update as of today...will update more laters. kat

4:25pm: finals week
stress level has been high recently.
vibes you catch yourself having. those that you sense
its been like dis for two weeks. but eh..
1 final down. 3 to go. bye bye soc class...love it...think it served and taught me well..
fshn 130. bummer 7-9 tonight.
billiards wid da girls after.
seattle is callin me to come home now.
will re-build with the kasamas.
alumns. homies. fam. need it..
maybe reread cb america is in the heart
formulate goals and ideas for fasa.
need to plant pinoy pinoy retreat
stock on soy milk
need to get back into movies.
it will be worthwhile
aberdeen is callin me for break.
plus..i need to visit babe..and vanessa;)
near the 2nd..its been beautiful..
need to meet up with study group.
its past 4:04 need to wait till it hits 5:05...to make that wish..

-kat

4:24pm: heylo user
welcome to my space buddy:)....mikothedhampir's...

5:57pm: for your info....
waddup. for those who know any incoming freshmen who is of asian and pacific islander descent...and plan to attend a 2 or 4 year college next school year...there is a scholarship available . the scholarship is given by the Asian and Pacific Islander American Scholarship Fund....for more info...here is the contact...and please pass on to others who are interested

webpage: www.apiasf.org

peace.kat